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Author Topic: [Private] Caught on fire  (Read 8601 times)

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Offline Ailla Voss

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[Private] Caught on fire
« on: July 16, 2012, 12:07:13 AM »
She was getting ready, and without Melisande much of the noise had quieted down but for her maids sighing and frowning and getting practically hissed at and shooed any time they came more than five feet close to her. Frankly, none of them looked especially like they wanted to come near to her anymore, at least not today and half of them were out in the hall looking vaguely alarmed. And annoyed as Ailla paced too and fro, dressing herself, fixing her hair, all of it. She just wouldn't be touched.

Offline Jael

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Re: Caught on fire
« Reply #1 on: July 16, 2012, 02:16:22 AM »
"You're like an angry cat."

Jael sat on the railing of Ailla's small balcony, quietly watching the other woman pace and mutter. Yes, she should have come here sooner, but Jael didn't feel even a drop of remorse for not doing so. The calmness that flowed through her was welcome in ways she had forgotten existed. There weren't nerves, or anger, or fears. She simply felt at ease. For once, she realized whatever would come would come, no amount of twisted negativity could halt life's progression from moving where it wanted.

And she needed that calm. Because Ailla appeared ready to torch the castle to escape.

Offline Ailla Voss

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Re: Caught on fire
« Reply #2 on: July 16, 2012, 02:21:52 AM »
She was using some magical tool that had been given to her once upon a time to help tighten her laces while trying not to strangle herself when she spotted Jael, and she stopped, stared a moment before she continued pacing. 'You'd be of more use comforting Melisande.'

Offline Jael

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Re: Caught on fire
« Reply #3 on: July 16, 2012, 02:28:50 AM »
"Do you truly think I can comfort you now when I can barely content myself?" Catty. Jael had not been wrong. She watched Ailla pace the room, not making any move from her perch. There were many words she could offer to Ailla about duty and responsibility and doing the correct thing over the thing that makes you most happy, but would any of that be a comfort? No. And Jael could not force herself to say them one more time. She'd said them more than enough, not just to Ailla but to herself. "I'm not dim, Ailla."

Offline Ailla Voss

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Re: Caught on fire
« Reply #4 on: July 16, 2012, 07:52:50 PM »
'I didn't expect comfort,' there wasn't any to be had at the moment, for her. 'I didn't really think you'd even come.' why should she? How many times had Ailla sleepily asked her to run away and marry her? How. Many. Times. Ailla went through some flowers the maids had brought to wear into her hair, picking out the finest ones before she brushed her hair again, this movement slow if only to not pull her own hair out.

'Dim is not something I ever accused you of.'

Offline Jael

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Re: Caught on fire
« Reply #5 on: July 17, 2012, 09:16:09 AM »
"I was always going to come." Even when she thought she could manage to stay away, Jael knew deep down she would be here for Ailla on this day, a silent shadow beside her as she always had been and would always be. "No. Perhaps not. I have heard you call me stubborn and frustrating, however."

Jael slipped from her perch and moved to take the flowers from Ailla, batting her hand away from the brush as well.

Offline Ailla Voss

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Re: Caught on fire
« Reply #6 on: July 17, 2012, 09:19:37 AM »
'But you're the one who doesn't want me to marry anyone... who isn't you and I can't do that, anyway.' she frowns slightly, but hands the brush over even though she had glared everyone else away from her by sheer force of will.

'I would understand.' intellectually, emotionally she probably wouldn't. This was the scariest day of her life, at least since most of her family up and died on her, and not the welcome kind of scary she thrilled in, either, the horrible I'm going to be a huge disappointment to a lot of important people kind.

Offline Jael

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Re: Caught on fire
« Reply #7 on: July 17, 2012, 09:22:28 AM »
Jael took the brush with quiet confidence, brushing through the thick red locks in soothing, even strokes. She let herself get lost in the action for a moment, something she didn't often let herself do, not even with Ailla. Especially not with Ailla. The rhythm faltered.

"Even if I believed that, I wouldn't forgive myself," she said.

Offline Ailla Voss

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Re: Caught on fire
« Reply #8 on: July 18, 2012, 08:27:05 AM »
'You do believe that. You can avoid me till the sun rises in the west, Jael, but I know you. Mysterious Priestess or not.' Ailla stopped the brush with a firm, yet gentle hand. 'Really, I was awful to Mel... she deserves attention and care more than I. Asking her to find someone was a mistake... and I shouldn't blame her for my own faults.'

Ailla's other hand came up and brushed at Jael's hair, glanced gently over her cheek and she frowned. 'I love you. Always. No matter who owns me.' because that's what it was, someone to own her, keep her on a leash, and not remotely in a way she ever really wanted or thought tolerable, except perhaps when her best friends were the potential leash-holders. 'I've missed you, so much. You don't come around much, any more.'

Offline Jael

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Re: Caught on fire
« Reply #9 on: July 18, 2012, 01:58:38 PM »
'You have barely been around to see if I have.' Jael touched Ailla's cheek with a brush of her knuckles and then took a step back, a firm, noticeable gap. She could not do this. Not today. She couldn't even lie to Ailla about the reasons for her absence. All she could do was slightly bend the truth around her own faults. 'There were things I needed to do.'

Offline Ailla Voss

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Re: Caught on fire
« Reply #10 on: July 19, 2012, 10:38:08 AM »
The distance between them was like a canyon even though it was less than a foot in width. Ailla stared, blinked at her. 'There are always things you need to do, yet I've never once been so ... you've always had time before. I guess you won't ever anymore, will you?' This is the cost for her taking a wife? When Jael couldn't, but more importantly, wouldn't?

'If you cannot stand to be near me do not let the urge to comfort or please me hold you back. Go. I would, if I could.'

Offline Jael

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Re: Caught on fire
« Reply #11 on: July 19, 2012, 01:35:55 PM »
'Ailla, there has never been a time I could not bear to stand beside you. I will be here for you until I die. I've promised you that since we were small and that isn't going to change now.' It would never be as it was, no, but she would always be there for her when needed. Jael had come to peace with this when Ailla finally capitulated to Melisande, something she needed to do, but she had known Ailla wouldn't understand, or like it. Not at all.


Offline Ailla Voss

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Re: Caught on fire
« Reply #12 on: July 19, 2012, 01:41:49 PM »
'You stepped away, you don't want to be here.' It was simple as that, it was such a rare thing that there was hardly precedent for Jael not wanting to be as close to Ailla as possible.  'You avoid me. You barely look me in the eyes any more. You don't come visit me like you used too. I will always love you more.' than she loves her bride, if she even grows to love her bride at all. She frowns, a wistful sigh escaping her lips. 'We could still run away and hide,' offers, quietly, an edge of hopelessness creeping into her voice.

Offline Jael

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Re: Caught on fire
« Reply #13 on: July 19, 2012, 01:54:41 PM »
Oh Goddess help her. Jael took the step back into Ailla's space, distraught and torn. She reaches out and cups Ailla's cheek and presses their foreheads together for one fierce moment. "You know why we cannot. You know why. It's why we're here as we are now. As much-" Jael squeezes her eyes shut, fingers curling into Ailla's wild hair as she tries and fails to pull herself back together. She was once better than this. The time was not that long ago Ailla could rail at her, could shout and scream and toss things, hurl accusations like knives and she would be able to sit through it all with a carefully held calm.

But not today. She was no calmer than a boat caught in a storm. And no safer either. "I have never loved another person as I love you. Do not dare tell me where I want to be today."

Offline Ailla Voss

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Re: Caught on fire
« Reply #14 on: July 19, 2012, 02:27:09 PM »
Ailla was only dressed in the petticoats of her wedding dress, unwilling to touch the actual thing again, yet, at least. But they were ornate and soft and sheer, and soon wrinkled because as soon as Jael came back within reach willingly, Ailla all but clung to her for dear life. For touch. Comfort. The feeling of her pressed against her. 'You should have eloped with me when I proposed at thirteen. Or at fourteen. Or fifteen. Sixteen... need I go on?' She had asked Jael dozens, maybe hundreds of times. As often, almost, as she had imagined running off to play pirates.

'But you don't want me to marry her... I don't want me to marry her and she probably deserves better... Or someone closer to her temperament.'

Offline Jael

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Re: Caught on fire
« Reply #15 on: July 20, 2012, 05:41:16 AM »
"You have yet to ask me today." Jael pressed a kiss to Aillas bare shoulder, knowing in truth that the way she wished to answer would be the one with the swiftest consequences.

Offline Ailla Voss

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Re: Caught on fire
« Reply #16 on: July 20, 2012, 05:55:17 AM »
'Marry me? Run away with me?' it's said so softly, and she nuzzles gently at Jael's neck. 'Though an awful bride I seem to make.' Sigh. She presses a soft, chase kiss over the place where Jael's pulse throbs.

Offline Jael

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Re: Caught on fire
« Reply #17 on: July 20, 2012, 06:13:28 AM »
"You are not meant to be caught." Jael tilted her head as a slight tremor crept through her, clenching her stomach and spreading warmth down to her toes. "73 times you've asked and I'm ashamed of how close to saying yes today."

Offline Ailla Voss

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Re: Caught on fire
« Reply #18 on: July 20, 2012, 06:18:00 AM »
'Yet my cage awaits me to don it... We'd have to take Mel. She'd never forgive us for running away without her.' sigh. '...and Tam is in trouble.' and she's worried to her bones for him. 'I miss being fifteen, Jael... I miss waking up to you sneaking into my bed to cuddle...'

Offline Jael

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Re: Caught on fire
« Reply #19 on: July 20, 2012, 06:38:08 AM »
"I did that less than a season ago."

Tam. Tam was a person Jael chose not to have a feeling for one way or the other. She knew herself. Knew how the few nights prior had left her feeling and it disgusted her in everyway.

"I will be there when you need me."

But Ailla did have others now. Others to give her what she could not. Nor should she have ever.

Offline Ailla Voss

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Re: Caught on fire
« Reply #20 on: July 20, 2012, 06:42:50 AM »
'But you won't any more,' and that is a problem, a heartbreaking, confusing problem. 'It's not like we even ever...' did anything "wrong". 'I always need you. Like breathing. Like food like love... I need you. Since the moment I saw you for the first time.' she frowns, swallows, refusing to let go or leave no that she had her arms around Jael.

'You can't be there for me if you're too busy attempting to be proper and keep your distance, too.'

Offline Jael

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Re: Caught on fire
« Reply #21 on: July 20, 2012, 06:49:11 AM »
"No, not in that way, but you will have others." She had Tam. Whose bed did she run to the night before?" I was meant to have your trust and respect. Never your love. We went wrong."

Offline Ailla Voss

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Re: Caught on fire
« Reply #22 on: July 20, 2012, 06:54:56 AM »
'No one could ever begin to replace you.' It happened to be harder for her to get to Jael unnoticed than it was to get to Tam, who though an interesting figure was just some noble son to the vast majorities of the ladies who kept residence at Ailla's court. '...Love isn't wrong. This isn't wrong.' Ailla pulls back, then, and she actually looks like she might cry, all the temper sapped out of her from before, like she'd been slapped.

Offline Jael

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Re: Caught on fire
« Reply #23 on: July 20, 2012, 07:02:12 AM »
"It is. It's all wrong." Jael frames Aillas face with nimble fingers and bows her head. Ailla had found her on harder occasions. And if ever there had been a night Jael would appear it was the one before and Ailla had not left that an option. "It's so wrong."

Offline Ailla Voss

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Re: Caught on fire
« Reply #24 on: July 20, 2012, 07:10:51 AM »
The difference being those nights she hadn't had so much to mess up, and Jael hadn't been avoiding her as much as possible for five weeks, making her feel more left out in the cold than she had before.

'It's not.' Ailla shook her head, undoing what little work she'd done to her red curls that had survived Jael's fingers combing through her hair. 'It's not. It can't be. It isn't.... don't be like that.' That was more than just upset, though there are tears beginning to smudge her eye liner. There's also terror, if this is to be the rest of her life, their relationship, what good was it? 'You love me.'

 


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